{removed}
Printable View
{removed}
i wouldnt take them so seriously, if you look around their site and articles you see they are just making fools of themselves and how stupid all of it sounds
It's satire. They're making fun of right wing christians.
Ah they are so viel and bitter! may they be guided...for what they treasure so much in this world is a mere fabrication.
w/s
Who cares.
>>Unsaved Forbidden
Jesus doesn't give you permission to access this directory on our Demon Proof™ server.
<<
This is the 404 message. OBVIOUSLY, this site is a parody. That is an easy way to explain it.
CIA REVEALS SECRET WEAPON IN FIGHT AGAINST WACKY ISLAMIC TERRORISTS.
A Military source in Washington DC informed a gathering of Christian Pastors last week that America's armed forces have a secret weapon against Muslim terrorists. "Those who practice Islamic Fundamentalism are more terrified of pork than they are of bullets," he said. "If they get near even the oink from swine, they go straight to hell. We'd be fools not to use this against them in combat."
Congress has already outlined a series of proposed military strikes that the Pentagon is taking very seriously. Sources say that plans to load B-1 bombers with bacon, pork chops and pig knuckles are already underway. Hormel Company has graciously donated over 100,000 tons of pig jowls, pickled ham hocks and souse luncheon meat to aid in the war effort. As Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld pointed out in a recent Pentagon briefing: "Bacon Bits are ideal for getting into those small, hard-to-reach places those terrorists like to hide in." The NFL donated 150,000 pigskins to bounce off the heads of the terrorists from 32,000 feet. "When them terrorists find out that our boys are dippin' their bullets in pigs grease, they are gonna run like hell!" said Senator Jesse Helms.
"Landover Baptist Church is telling all of its members who are farmers to reach into their pig sties instead of their pockets for the next ten Sundays," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "We are going to have semis lined up by the main sanctuary, and you can just load them hogs right up. They will be shipped off to Hormel, Bob Evans, or boot camp. It's up to the U.S. Military. Wherever them pigs can serve, in whole or in parts. According to our reading of that Koran of theirs, even by-products work like a charm. The CIA figures that, with big tubs of bacon falling everywhere, if the impact doesn't kill them, the cholesterol will!"
Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian, is rallying homemakers throughout this great land to lend a spatula to the war effort. She tells all of her Bringing Integrity To Christian Homemakers members who wish to contribute bacon-bits for the airlifts: "Leave your soy-based imitation bacon bits in the pantry, gals. While those crazy Islamics in Afghanistan, who couldn't dress a salad with a yard of damask, won't be able to tell Fakin Bacon® isn't real pig, that Allah of theirs probably can. So, let's play it safe and leave the cheap imitation stuff for making twice-baked potatoes and casseroles for friends who are sick. This whole swinephobia just underscores the nutty things other religions will believe just because it is written in a book somewhere!"
All of America is encouraged to contribute any kind of Pork, Swine, Hog, Pig, Lard, Animal fat, Animal shortening, Gelatin, Hydrolyzed animal protein/protein, Collagen, Enzymes, Tallow, Emulsifiers, Stabilizers (Mono and Di-glycerides), Tween, Swine pepsin, Calcium separate, Poly-sorbates, Monostearates or Fatty acids for a series of air strikes that will take place over Afghanistan. Any farmer having an especially bright and intelligent pig is encouraged to contact the Central Intelligence Agency as there are currently three managerial openings in the "Terrorist Warnings" mobile Winnebago unit.
One Landover Farmer who donated his 380lb prize sow said, "It was with tears in my eyes that I sent Old Millie out to Andrews Air Force Base yesterday. She is gonna make the best darn cave sniffer there ever was. And if she don't gnaw off one of them terrorists' legs with that old snout like she does our chickens - at least she'll make a good meal for the troops!" Pastors are to encourage their church members to sponsor lard-coated missiles with their family name, picture and choice of scripture. Said Pastor Decaon Fred: "First, we are going to coat them folks with bacon grease. Then, we are going to heat things up with some missiles. By this time next month, Afghanistan is going to be covered from border to border with some mighty tasty crackling."
President Bush Reveals His 18-Hole Plan to Invade Iraq
George W. Bush credits the ancient Scottish tradition with helping him to maintain his trim, natty appearance. The President appeared not to hear reporters when asked if he was referring to golf or whiskey.
(AP) Using a golf ball and a set of Ping clubs, President Bush demonstrated to members of the press his administration's current plans for bringing down Iraqi Saddam Hussein.
"You see," said the President, using a seven-iron to point, "That Osama fellow was hard to hit because he was in the rough. So that whole 'we got to hit Osama to win the game' thing was sort of a mulligan. We just forget about all that. But, you see, that Saddam fellow is out there on the green. It's almost like he has a big sick in his head with a flag flying. Sure, you can miss a few times, but you know where the sonofa***** is. So, eventually, you are going to drop him."
President Bush and his father look for the ball they had designated "that Anthrax guy" for several seconds before giving it up for lost.
Later, Mr. Bush showed the press specifically what he has in mind for Saddam Hussein when he placed a glistening Titlest pond ball, retrieved that morning by his mother Barbara, on a tee. "You see that there ball?" asked the President. "Well, that is Saddam's head. Only white. Tee-hee. And this here club is me."
The President made sure the press understood his analogy by asking: "You following me here? The ball is Saddam and the club – well, actually, just the heavy metal part at the very end – is me! Hee-hee. Now watch what I plan to do to the bastard.
After several swings, the President made contact with Mr. Hussein, sending a pack of Secret Service agents scurrying into an adjacent parking lot to find him. Afterward, turning to his father in their golf cart, the President was overheard to remark, "I think Saddam knows that I mean business now. And everyone didn't believe me when I said this was going to be a working vacation. Thirteen holes down – only six to go!"
hmm lets see......
First post on this forum
Joined today
and the first thing that u post is some link to some anti islamic garbage site
u sure ur not one of their decoys going around to give them publicity........
thats how u spot them!
I removed all of the links in the posts above. Funny stuff, pure parody :).
CAUSE NO. 98-10829
LANDOVER BAPTIST I, LTD., § IN THE DISTRICT COURT OF
LANDOVER S & L CORP., §
and WEXLER OFFSHORE HOLDINGS, P.L.L.C. §
Plaintiffs, §
§
VS. § FREEHOLD COUNTY, IOWA§
CENTRAL IOWA ARCHDIOCESE §
OF THE HOLY ROMAN CATHOLIC §
AND APOSTOLIC CHURCH, UNITED §
METHODIST COUNCIL, LUTHERAN §
CHURCH OF NORTH AMERICA, ET AL, § 109TH JUDICIAL DISTRICT
Defendants. §
ORDER
On the 15th day of February, 2001 came to be heard the application of Plaintiffs,
LANDOVER BAPTIST I,
LTD., LANDOVER S & L CORP. and WEXLER OFFSHORE HOLDINGS, P.L.L.C. (hereafter collectively “LANDOVER”) for a permanent injunction enjoining Defendant churches, atheists, agnostics and others similarly situated (hereafter collectively referred to for convenience as “THE UNSAVED”) from physical presence within a 10-mile radius of Landover Baptist Church. In particular, LANDOVER seeks to make the temporary orders which this Court has granted since 1956 permanent, thereby obviating the need for
LANDOVER to petition the Court periodically for equitable relief. Also before the Court is Defendants’ Motion for Recusal. For the reasons stated herein, the Court concludes Plaintiffs’ application should be GRANTED and Defendants’ motion DENIED
The Parties
Each plaintiff company maintains an ownership interest in Landover Baptist Church of Freehold, Iowa. While other entities maintain similar title and right, for purposes of this lawsuit, power of attorney of all owners has been assigned to the named plaintiffs, the remaining owners desiring their identities to remain confidential.
Landover Baptist, colloquially recognized as “America’s Favorite Church” and the place “Where the Worthwhile Worship” has been an historic, religious and patriotic symbol of pride for this county for several hundred years.
LANDOVER has donated millions of dollars to the coffers of the county and to the community of Freehold. LANDOVER is responsible for the erection of countless county buildings, including the very courthouse in which this order was prepared.
The defendants include a collection of individuals without religious beliefs and various allegedly Protestant denominations whose effect on the community has been modest, at best. Nonetheless, the Court sanguinely acknowledges these entities are entitled to the same Constitutional protections as any others.
The Facts
For more than 40 years, LANDOVER has made periodic and repeated applications to this judicial district for restraining orders to exclude certain individuals considered undesirable from presence around the church
perimeter. The first such application was made in 1956 when a group of women called “nuns” from the local Catholic “church” established a semi-permanent presence on the sidewalk across the street from Landover Baptist Church, under the guise of collecting for charity. In reality, as this Court then found, the nuns were engaged in a concerted and highly organized effort to coerce Landover Baptist members to joint the Catholic “faith” – a belief structure many Biblical scholars have deemed a dangerous cult and the majority of saved Christians believe ensures an eternity in Hell. Finding irreparable harm if these women were allowed to continue to solicit saved
Christians, this Court granted LANDOVER’s initial claim for relief and prohibited the presence of Catholic nuns and clergy within 10 miles of Landover Baptist. However, the Court declined to grant a permanent or broader injunction on the ground there was no evidence the Catholics were likely to repeat their manipulative tactics and no justiciable controversy concerned any other individuals, hence any litigation involving other groups was not ripe.
Since 1956, the Court has granted at least one restraining order to LANDOVER each year. Among those unsaved individuals who have been enjoined from presence at or around Landover Baptist at some time during the last 40 years are members of the following groups: Hebrews, Arabians, Mexicans (and other Catholics), Pentecostals, Unitarians, Democrats and California biking clubs. In each instance, the Court found that the individuals in question posed an imminent threat to the autonomy of the church and/or to the physical or spiritual health of its members. Each time, the Court indicated its reluctance to grant injunctive relief beyond the particular conduct alleged unless and until a justiciable controversy arose.
On January 4, 1998, LANDOVER filed the instant petition, seeking permanent injunctive relief against THE UNSAVED. THE UNSAVED responded by denying LANDOVER’s allegations, asserting various Constitutional protections as affirmative defenses and moving the Court to recuse itself from consideration of LANDOVER’s request.
Findings of Fact and Conclusions of Law
“A party is entitled to a permanent injunction if proof exists that the injunction would prevent irreparable harm and if the party has no adequate remedy at law.” Hockenberg Equipment Co. v. Hockenberg’s Equipment & Supply Co., 510 N.W.2d 153, 158 (Iowa 1993) (citing Presto-X-Co. v. Ewing, 442 N.W.2d 85, 89 (Iowa 1989)). A court, however, should grant an injunction “with caution and only when clearly required.” Denison v. Calbaugh, 306 N.W.2d 748, 755 (Iowa 1981). Irreparable harm exists not only when monetary damages would be insufficient to compensate the applicant fully, but also when the defendants’ acts are likely to be repeated and undeterred by the threat of judicial sanction. See Hockenberg Equipment, 510 N.W.2d at 639-40.
The Court is convinced LANDOVER will face irreparable harm for which there is no legal remedy if THE UNSAVED are not permanently enjoined. The Court finds persuasive the fact that LANDOVER has been compelled to petition this Court no less than 52 times for injunctive relief. This is strong evidence of a pattern of abuse of LANDOVER’s rights by THE UNSAVED who refuse to respect the Church’s autonomy and independence. The Court takes judicial notice of the fact that the morality of this society is deteriorating at an
unprecedented rate. When the man holding the highest office in the land is caught engaging in promiscuous, extra-marital sex, one of the top-rated television programs is about encouraging couples to split up, and another
top-10 shows glorifies homosexuals and alcoholics, something is seriously amiss. LANDOVER’s website has, itself, exposed much of this corruption. The erosion of Judeo-Christians values (to use Justice Scalia’s oft-used
phrase) ensures there will constantly be individuals attempting to harass the God-fearing parishioners of Landover Baptist.
LANDOVER has no adequate remedy at law because THE UNSAVED are undeterred by the threat of judicial intervention, as evidenced by their repeated harassment of Landover Baptist and its members.
Furthermore, the emotional trauma experienced by church members as they are subjected to claims of apparitionspotting, consubstantiation and the purported supremacy of Mary (just to name the elements of Catholic
coercion) cannot be recompensed monetarily. Dollars and cents could never make up for such severe psychological discomfort.
THE UNSAVED erroneously argue that a permanent injunction applying to a 10-mile radius would be overly broad and would infringe upon their freedom of religion and expression as guaranteed by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution. The Court strongly disagrees. Time, place and manner restrictions on both expression and worship have never been deemed unconstitutional. The only question, then, is whether a 10-mile radius is a reasonable restriction. The Court concludes affirmatively. Landover Baptist is situated on well over 1,000 acres of land. This figure excludes surrounding land masses which are likewise owned by LANDOVER but which are involved in business concerns or are, as yet, undeveloped. All of the homes surrounding Landover, to an average of five suburbs deep, are owned by Landover members. Restrictive covenants in the original deeds preclude ownership by anyone other than saved Southern Baptists. Thus, a broad geographic scope to any injunction is essential to protect the church members, but will not overly burden THE UNSAVED since they would be unlikely to find a receptive audience in the enjoined territory. LANDOVER has met all requirements for a permanent injunction.
Motion to Recuse
THE UNSAVED have moved that this judge recuse himself on the ground that he is a silver-level tithing member of Landover Baptist and therefore cannot be objective. While this Court has managed to overlook the assault on its integrity, it nonetheless is compelled to cavalierly deny this poor conceived motion. All of the district court and county court-at-law judges in Freehold County are Landover Baptist members. These judges, including this one, have repeatedly evaluated the church’s conduct in various civil cases and have never issued improper or biased rulings. THE UNSAVED fail to specify a single statement or deed by this Court which would suggest its inability to remain impartial. THE UNSAVED’s argument is tantamount to saying that because this
judge is a major contributor to the Republican Party, he should recuse himself from hearing any cases involving Republicans. In short, THE UNSAVED’s argument is devoid of merit and has been brought in bad faith. Therefore, the Court denies the motion and, sua sponte, sanctions THE UNSAVED $100,000.00 for the filing of a frivolous pleading.
Holding and Mandate
For the reasons stated, IT IS ORDERED that all individuals other than saved Southern Baptists and their children are prohibited from physical presence within 10 miles of Landover Baptist Church until such time as this
order may be dissolved. The prohibited area extends in the north to Oak Street, in the east to the E.O. Johnston & Co. corn fields, in the south to the Masons’ storm shelter and in the west to F.M. Road 89257. IT IS FURTHER ORDERED that Defendants pay the sum of $100,000.00 to Plaintiffs within 10 days of the signing of this order as sanctions for a frivolous filing.
Signed this 15th day of February, 2001.
PRESIDING JUDGE