The smiling school nurse held up the package of multicolored pills and asked if we knew how to use them. One of the girls sitting in the front of the class gave a clear one to two minute explanation of this. What became evident was that these were not pain killers for headaches.

They were birth control pills.

I was fifteen. This was the sex education component of my grade ten Moral and Religious Education class.

While there was plenty of "education" given about the topic to the class of teenage boys and girls (during one class, there was even a demonstration on a wooden model of how a male condom should be used), there was nothing particularly "moral" about it.

Fact: Sex is part of the school curriculum

Whether parents accept it or not, this information is part and parcel of their child’s public school experience. It is also the experience virtually all of the 99 percent of Muslim kids in North America who attend public schools.

Across the U.S. discussion of sexuality usually falls under the course "Family Life Education". The sexual component tends to be discussed more openly in high school.

"Sex education is only one component of it," notes Sharifa Alkhateeb, who sat on the Fairfax County Public Schools’ Family Life Education committee in Virginia between 1990 and 1992. She is also president of the Muslim Education Council, which educates administrators and educators about

"An underlying concept in Family Life Education is that the child is an individual first and foremost and that they should be pleasing themselves and establish their own personal identity," Alkhateeb explains.

While this in itself is not always negative, when this type of thinking is extended to sex, it means pleasing yourself first, with little emphasis on right and wrong.

Most public school sex education works on the premise that kids are going to have sex anyway, so why bother teaching them right and wrong about it. Instead, give them the tools to have "safe" sex. This of course includes the now notorious distribution of condoms in schools, as well as teaching kids about various birth control methods, like the pills.

This way they will be "protected" from AIDS and pregnancy. There is little to no talk of the emotional and psychological scars left by sex outside of marriage, let alone the right and wrong of it. There is no discussion about the other health risks associated with sex outside of marriage that condoms do not

protect against.

"Condoms do not provide protection from many of the sexually transmitted diseases," explains Marilyn Morris, president and founder of Aim for Success. The organization promotes abstinence from sex through speeches and presentations to students in grades six to 12. The group is one of the largest providers of abstinence education in the U.S.

"For example, the human papilloma virus, commonly called [HPV], is the most common sexually transmitted disease in America and it’s killing thousands of young women each year and yet the condom provides little to no protection from this incurable sexually transmitted disease," Morris notes.

She says the message of Aim for Success is that "sexual abstinence before marriage is all about freedom. If you are not having sex then you are free to go on with your dreams and goals but you’re also free from sexually transmitted diseases, you’re free from pregnancy, you’re free from the emotional scars of lifelong painful memories."

But the abstinence option is merely presented as an option amongst many for young people to choose from in public school sex education when deciding the course of their sexual activity. In fact, it is probably the least discussed one.

Sex education is reinforced by the school and surrounding culture

Aspects of the public school sex education are reinforced by the school and surrounding culture.

For example, Alkhateeb points out school teachers and administrators may try to involve Muslim children in dances and dating because, "they cannot conceive of a way of living where that is not a major part of life." She adds that this is usually done with good intentions, with teachers and counselors, for example, thinking they are helping the child.

However, Alkhateeb says the danger is that this can sometimes go so far as teaching the kids to be alienated from their parents, who are perceived as immigrants who don’t understand American culture and the need to fit in with peers and have a good time.

Movies, television, even some cartoons glorify sexual relationships outside of marriage. There is clearly pressure from friends and peers at school in some cases to date and have sex outside of marriage.

While this may come as a shock to many Muslim parents, the fact of the matter is that for at least some children in public schools, who may even be the friends of Muslim children, this is a reality.

"The friend will say ‘I have two mommies or two daddies’ if that’s the reality of that child," says Khadija Haffajee, a retired school teacher from the Ottawa-Carleton region of Canada. She has spent about 30 years working in the public school system.

This is also the case for unlawful heterosexual relationships.

"It’s not just homosexual relationships, it’s adulterous relationships," explains Haffajee, "kids will say ‘my mother’s boyfriend or my father’s girlfriend."

Opting out of public school sex education

"With what I see of the curriculum nowadays I would advise parents not to expose their children to it," says Shahina Siddiqui, a Winnipeg, Canada-based social worker.

She says the graphic language used to teach about sex, physical demonstrations of applying a condom, the diagrams used, the fact that male and female students are paired off in classes together and that overall message is ‘hey all this is normal, if you’re not doing it [sex], something is wrong’, is enough for any Muslim parent to get their child out of the class.

But that leads to the next question.

Sex Education: Whose responsibility is it anyway?

"For me, it’s a parental responsibility," says Haffajee.

She stresses the need for Muslim parents to be educated themselves about sex education before going to their children’s schools to protest or discuss its contents.

"We in North America, need to address the issue from a parental point of view," she says. "We need to provide parents with information before we hit the school system because this has been a taboo subject [amongst Muslims] and we have to get rid of it [the taboo]. We need to have Islamic education, forums where Muslim parents get together."

Many Muslims fear of the "S" word

"Muslims shy away from using the word s-e-x on their tongue," Ahmad Sakr, author of The Adolescent Life, tells Sound Vision. The book talks about, among other things, youth in Islam, modesty, social behavior, abortion.

This is not the case with younger Muslims though.

"The youngsters who were raised here do not feel awkward in using the word sex, to write about it or to talk about it, rightly or wrongly. To the parents, even wrongly, they say [it’s a] taboo."

One of Sakr’s books, Matrimonial Education in Islam, was almost not published because it was originally entitled Sex Education in Islam. It was published after the title was changed.

"Parents are too shy to speak on this subject to their children. They tell them take the book of Dr. Sakr entitled Matrimonial education and you’ll learn more," he says.

Sex Education: Not just mom’s job

Haffajee stresses that if parents decide to give their kids sex education themselves, it is not a responsibility that should fall solely on mothers’ shoulders.

"I think the fathers need to know, not only mothers, and we should have people speak to them about the Islamic perspective on sex education, how the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) used to openly address these issues."

"If early Muslims, starting with the Prophet himself were much more open in discussing what we now consider private subjects, then they must have had the right idea and we have the wrong one and the questions and answers you find in the Hadith prove it," notes Alkhateeb

While cultural taboos and embarrassment may make many parents reluctant to discuss sex with their children, they should remember that the kind of sex education their children receive in public school is reinforced by the surrounding culture.

This wave of pressure has to be countered by Islamic sex education at home or within the community.

For those who are really uncomfortable talking to their kids about the topic, Sakr suggests that they "request someone neutral from the community, professionally well groomed, ethically and morally committed to be invited to speak on this subject."

This kind of a session, he suggests, could start off with a presentation to an audience of both sexes, but a question and answer section afterwards that is separate: one for boys, one for girls, so they feel more comfortable.

The Possible Dangers of Non-Involvement

Marilyn Morris started Aim For Success in 1993 based on her own experience of receiving no sex education as a teenager in the 1960s. This partly led her to getting pregnant at the age of 17.

"I was a good girl, I came from a good home, I was in church every Sunday and I got pregnant my senior year in high school," she recounts. She and her boyfriend married before the birth of her baby, and they are still married today, 30 years later. Her husband, Chuck Morris is also involved with Aim For Success.

"We’re convinced that if somebody had talked to us we would have listened," she says."But back then nobody was talking about sex. Nobody talked about it at home, nobody talked about it at school and church." The only place it was talked about, she notes, was amongst kids.

"The only message I heard back then from my friend was that sex is no big deal, everyone’s doing it and nobody gets hurt."

"I learned the hard way sex is a big deal and there’s a huge price to pay."

Or your kids have started asking the "where do babies come from" question.

But you just can’t get over your tongue-tying embarrassment. Imagine! If your father or mother, back in Cairo or Karachi, heard of this they’d be stunned and question your parenting skills!

Here are some tips that can help you talk to your kids about the "s" word.

Ideally sex education is not provided to kids in a reactionary fashion. Rather, it’s given from the beginning in an indirect manner. This means the child has to have a strong sense of identity and an understanding of what his or her values are.

"Parents are going to have sit down and explain their values to their own children. And this needs to start young, before the society influences them," says Marilyn Morris, a Christian, who is president and founder of Aim for Success. The organization promotes abstinence from sex through speeches and presentations to students in grades six to 12. The group is one of the largest providers of abstinence education in the

United States.

She says it is also important to explain to kids why you hold those values. For example, why do you not approve of sex outside of marriage, whether this is for religious and/or health reasons.

Starting to teach different topics at the right age is also important.

For example, a boy of eight may notice his mom does not pray some time during the month and may ask why. At this point, it can simply be said this is a time when Allah has excused women from praying. At the age of 12 or 13, a parent can introduce the topic of menstruation, and by that point, he will be able to make the connection.

Another way topics of a sexual nature can be introduced is while the child is reading the Quran. When the child reads verses about sexual intercourse, menstruation, or homosexuality, for example, this can be explained in a matter-of-fact manner.

Sex can also be discussed in the context of cleanliness in Islam at a certain age. For example, by the age of six or seven, a child must know how to clean him or herself after using the toilet.

After this at about eleven or twelve, the issue of Ghusl can be raised and when it is necessary (i.e. after sexual intercourse, after menstruation, etc).

As well, parents should sit with their children individually, not all together to explain various age-appropriate topics related to sex.

Some of the topics to talk about include modesty, decency, conduct and behavior .

But these should not be presented as just a bunch of rules to be followed. Rather the wisdom behind, for example, the Islamic dress code and lowering the gaze for both sexes should be explained.

Proper sex education can only be given if the correct messages are being sent explicitly and implicitly by parents. There has to be openness, not a rigid and dogmatic atmosphere at home.

"I’m talking about a loving relationship at home between the parents," says Khadija Haffajee an Islamic activist and a retired school teacher from the Ottawa-Carleton region of Canada. She has spent about 30 years working in the public school system. "That there’s love between the parents, there’s affection. They [the kids] can see this, how they talk to each other, the respect that’s there."

This goes hand in hand with being a role model, which is the best way to teach and transmit values to children. That means not only should children be exposed to a healthy male-female relationship when they see their parents. It also means parents do not engage in activities which undermine their views on sexuality.

For instance, "being careful themselves about what they watch on T.V. or what movies they go to see, " is crucial says Morris "because that‘s a bad influence on us at any age. And if our children see us doing it why shouldn’t they as well?"

This also means setting an example in other aspects of life by following the same rules you expect your kids to follow. For example, if you’re running late, call children and let them know, show them the same courtesy you expect from them, explains Morris.

It is necessary for children to not just see the embodiment of Islamic values at home. They must also experience this in contacts with other Muslim children and families, says Haffajee.

They must see that family life the Islamic way is not just something their own family practices, but it’s something others do as well.

This makes it more "normal" for the child, who in public school may have friends or acquaintances with homosexual parents (two mommies or two daddies), parents who are having sex outside of marriage (mom’s boyfriend, dad’s girlfriend) or other types of unacceptable relationships.

Depending on a parent’s schedule, this can mean different things. Most of the time, public schools encourage parents’ active participation through channels like Parent and Teachers’ Associations (PTAs) or as elected school board members.

Haffajee explains that more and more schools will be decentralized and will have more power at the PTA level, for instance. Another forum for involvement is running in school board elections. School boards run all the schools in one district.

But if this is too much of a commitment for you as a parent, at least be in contact with your child’s teacher, and let her/him know not just about problems, but good things he or she is doing for your child as well.

"We have to build these links, not feel it’s them and us," adds Haffajee.

Volunteering and helping at the school is also an option. This differs in each school. Some may have a lunchroom program with parents as monitors, for instance, which requires only a few hours a week.

Regular participation in such school organizations and activities gives you a voice as a parent to express your views about what’s going on in the school system as it affects your child, as well as others’ children.

It is important to add that this involvement should not come only when the school has done something you, as a parent, feel has violated your child’s needs as a Muslim, or when you want something specifically for your child (i.e. time off for Eid, Juma, etc.).

By participating at the long-term level, your voice is more likely to be heard because you’re involved in making the school better generally, not just for your child’s interest only.

When it comes time for sex education, you can band together with other parents, Muslim and non-Muslim, who share the same views on the topic, and it is more likely you will be listened to.

"There are a lot of non-Muslim parents who are concerned about these issues and feel as if there is no control," notes Haffajee.

"There should be talk about what kind of information they’re getting, preadolescent education," says Haffajee.

Launching a three hour tirade against the evils of public school sex education will do little good in helping your son or daughter see what’s wrong with it. This is why it is necessary to find out what is included in the sex education curriculum.

"They should find out exactly what the school is teaching, to the point of even sitting with the person doing the education and finding out about the values of that person," says Morris.

"This is a very important issue"

There is more to sex education than telling your son or daughter "don’t do it until you get married".

Topics like menstruation, sexual changes in adolescents, Islamic purity after various types of uncleanliness associated with sex also have to be discussed.

If you’re not sure, get some help from a knowledgeable Muslim or Imam, as well as a guide for parents (see the review for the book Miracle Of Life.

Be capable of providing exact references from the Quran, Sunnah and valid Islamic authorities on relevant topics (i.e. birth control, boy/girl relationships, etc.).

On the same note, if in the course of your conversation your child asks you something and you are not sure about whether it really is Islamic or not, CHECK IT OUT. Assuming that a cultural practice relating to sex or boy/girl relationships is automatically Islamic is a mistake.

This is necessary, especially if sex has been a taboo subject in the household for so long.

"Parents [should] say to their children "I want to be your primary source of information about sex," says Morris.

This makes it clear that while your child may be getting information about sex from other sources like television, the movies, school and friends, you are the "authoritative source".

This is done best when discussed at a younger age, rather than waiting for the teen years when rebelliousness usually kicks in and kids are less likely to listen to parents.

It will be hard to talk about sex for many parents. But they should not hide this from their kids.

Morris recommends parents say, "If I sound nervous or uncomfortable just bear with me," in the course of their conversation.

This stresses the seriousness of the topic and the importance of what you want to say. The fact that this is so difficult for you, yet you are going forward with it emphasizes your child’s need to listen.

There are public schools where sex education is an option, and a child can be exempted from it.

Haffajee says there are parents, Muslim and non-Muslim who have decided to choose this instead of having their kids sit through public school sex education.

But if you do decide to do this, she advises it is important to clearly explain to your child why this is being done, and to ensure that s/he is being provided with Islamic sex education in the home.

Otherwise, your child may see it as being excluded from an activity with his or her friends.

If you feel extremely uncomfortable talking to your kids about it, enlist the help of a knowledgeable and open Imam or community member who is of the same gender as your child, to explain the details and provide the guidance. Other people can be Islamic weekend school teachers, a Muslim social worker, or a trusted family member like an aunt, uncle or cousin.

Also, get some books for your kids that discuss sex from an Islamic perspective. Miracle of Life or Ahmad Sakr’s The Adolescent Life are some examples.

However, getting someone else to talk to them or giving them a book is not the end of the story. As a parent, you have to be ready and open to at least hear Ameer or Jamila’s concerns or questions about sex, so you can direct them to the right person or information if you are uncomfortable answering yourself.

"And Lot! (Remember) when he said unto his folk: Will ye commit abomination such as no creature ever did before you?

Lo! ye come with lust unto men instead of women. Nay, but ye are wanton folk." (Quran: 7:80-81)

It’s hard enough trying to explain topics like menstruation and sexual intercourse from the Islamic perspective to kids.But this is not where sex education can end.

Homosexuality has gained greater acceptance as an "alternative lifestyle" in the last 10 to 20 years in North

America. Not only has this mentality affected adults-it is now affecting kids’ way of looking at the gay lifestyle as well.

Public school sex education, under the rubric of "Family Life Education" generally teaches an acceptance of homosexuality, a respect and/or tolerance for it. As is the case with sex education in general, there is little to no moral guidance on the topic. Just a neutral presentation.

Homosexuality, like others matters pertaining to sexuality, is openly discussed in the Quran and Sunnah. We have no excuse as Muslim parents, teachers, community leaders and individuals not to clearly discuss this issue with our kids.

In view of this, Sound Vision has asked Muslim counselor Shahina Siddiqui, Islamic activist and author Ahmad Sakr, and former Islamic school principal Abdalla Idris Ali how Muslims can discuss the issue of homosexuality from the Islamic perspective. Below are some of their suggestions.

This can be uncomfortable, but a young Muslim, even one who attends Islamic school, most probably has heard about homosexuality from television, newspapers, radio, and/or non-Muslim friends.

This is also important because in many Muslim cultures, it is not uncommon to find people of the same sex kissing on the cheeks, hugging, or holding hands. None of these actions are deemed sexual in any way. So this is why a child must not confuse real Halal affection between his brothers or her sisters, versus deviant sexual behavior.

In this regard, it may help to read up on the topic a bit before venturing to explain what it is.

To just say it is Haram, will not usually satisfy Muslim children,

Especially those who are used to questioning, discussion, and

debate.

One point that has to be emphasized is that since Allah is the Creator of human beings, Who created us out of nothing, He knows best what our true needs and desires are. He also knows what is good and bad for us. He sees everything, knows everything and is the wisest and most Merciful. Therefore, the fact that He is telling us that homosexuality is wrong , just as He tells us consuming alcohol is wrong, for example, means that we must heed His warning.

This can be explained in another way. For instance, if 13-year-old Hassan dreams of having his own car, particularly a cherry red Corvette, one day Insha Allah, you can use his interest in cars to explain homosexuality like this: who knows what makes the Corvette tick, what causes its engine problems or how often it needs to get a tune up? Obviously the people who manufacture the Corvette, and who have provided its instruction manual to guarantee it runs as smoothly as possible, with little to no problems. The manufacturers of the Corvette also know what kinds of things a driver or owner of the car should not do to cause the car damage or destruction.

Similarly, Allah has created us, He is our Maker. He knows what makes us tick. He knows what can improve our bodies and minds and those things that can destroy them. He has provided not just an instruction manual (the Quran), but also a model to follow (The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him). If we trust the people who have manufactured the Corvette, then why can’t we trust Allah?

What can also be done is to explain the harms associated with homosexuality. Some of these, says Siddiqui, include diseases like AIDS, the fact that this kind of sexual relationship does nothing to advance human civilization even in terms of population (in other words, homosexuals do not even procreate).

This point is important because one of the main aims of sex is to produce children in order to continue human life.

Homosexuality does not yield any children. It is a relationship purely for the sake of pleasure, which is not only unnatural, but leads to disease and death.

As well, provide references from the Quran in your discussion on the Islamic position. Ahmad Sakr gives the following:

7: 80-84

11: 74-83

15: 61-75

21: 74-75

26:160-175

27: 54-58

29: 28-35

37:133-138

54: 33-39

66: 10

If Aminah or Saeed are in their teens, get them to research the topic and write a paper on homosexuality, suggests Idris Ali. Provide books that give the Islamic perspective. This is a good way for them to grasp the concept, and who knows, maybe in the course of their research they will find another good reason homosexuality should not be practiced.

"We’re born that way, so deal with it," is the mantra of a number of gays. This is not true.

"They are putting the blame on God," says Sakr. "If it is true, why in the world does God have to send an earthquake to the people of Lot in [the northern] part of Palestine, because they were the first group of people who started committing homosexuality."

If people were born to commit homosexual acts, Allah who is most Merciful, would not have destroyed Prophet Lut’s community. These people had an opportunity to change. They did not, and Allah destroyed them. This is a test Shaytan puts in our way.

It should be noted that some people may have the desire to engage in homosexual sex, but that does not mean they have acted on that. In Islam the punishment is for the act, not the feelings.

Allah does not hold us responsible for our bad thoughts as long as we don’t act on them.

A Muslim who develops homosexual desires, but does not act on them must fast and seek the sincere help and guidance of Allah to turn away from this lifestyle. S/he must also not dwell on these kinds of thoughts. Which leads to the next point.

The only way we can truly protect ourselves from homosexuality, whether it is in the development of feelings, or in the actual sexual practice of it is to always remember Allah.

This means following the basics: prayers, fasting, Dua, etc.

Even the basics done sincerely and regularly can, Insha Allah, provide a fortress against Shaytan.

Sakr says fasting in particular, is useful in controlling lust, and recommends doing so on Mondays and Thursdays.

As well, we can point out that if a person is having these desires, it can be a test from Allah, as well as an example of how Shaytan tries to turn us away from Allah.

In addition, we should advise ourselves and our kids to seek refuge in Allah from Shaytan by saying Aoutho billahi minash Shaytan ir Rajeem (I seek refuge in Allah from Shaytan the accursed) as well as reading Surah al Nas, the last Surah of the Quran, which mentions the whispering of Shaytan.

How many of us watch television shows replete with sexual foreplay, titillation and innuendo? These types of "innocent" displays of sexuality are dangerous, to say the least. They put wrong ideas into the mind and are Haram for us to watch.

This is where lowering the gaze comes in.

As well, maintaining an Islamic dress code even in front of the same sex, is important. In Islam, for example, a man cannot see the body of another man between the naval and knees.

Contrast this with high school gym classes, where boys will often shower together, usually in complete nudity. The same happens in girls’ locker rooms. Parents and Muslim communities must be on guard against these types of situations, which are not only dangerous to a young Muslim’s Islamic practice, but can also make them the prey of gays and/or lesbians.

Another practice relating to modesty between brothers and sisters is to have separate beds or bedrooms for brothers and sisters, especially after the age of 10. Care should also be given to respecting the privacy of both the same and opposite gender when changing clothes for example, or in the shower. Permission should be sought before entering a room, where someone may be in a state of undress.

Islamic schools and sex education may seem like a contradiction for some. After all, don’t parents send their kids to these schools to protect them from sex?

Not so for Dalya Aglan. The 16-year-old, in the course of a biology class, was given the low down by her biology teacher on pregnancy, menstruation, and sexual maturation amongst adolescents at her Muslim school in Montreal, Canada.

"She talked about it Islamically," says Aglan about the approach her Muslim teacher used. "She talked about what was Halal, Haram and Sunnah. It’s not like she was doing anything wrong. She was teaching us something we need to know."

The class was mixed (boys and girls) but the question and answer session was separate. Students were asked if they were uncomfortable. They all said no. The teacher also got the students’ parents to sign permission slips for this.

"There was so much stuff we didn’t know we could do like you can’t have sex while the woman has her period, none of us knew that," says Aglan matter-of-factly.

Such candor, though, is not something expressed in most Islamic schools in North America.

"In most of the Islamic schools, they avoid to deal with these issues," says Abdalla Idris Ali, a member of the Islamic Society of North America’s Majlis Shura. He is also the former principal of an Islamic school in Mississauga, Ontario in Canada.

Why sex is taboo in Islamic schools

Apart from the general embarrassment towards openly discussing sexual matters in most Muslim cultures, part of the reason also, it seems, is because parents assume Islamic schools are an environment where their kids don’t have to talk about this issue. This is not the case.

"We think if we’ve brought them into the Islamic school atmosphere that we will somehow protecting them and isolating them from mainstream society, and that is not the case," notes Winnipeg, Canada-based social worker Shahina Siddiqui. She points to television, magazines, billboards, and even Muslim friends with lower standards of morality who can still influence kids even if they attend an Islamic school.

"This society is immersed in sexuality," she says, and adds that children still learn and absorb information outside of school.

In this scenario, "I would rather that we teach our children [sex education] with Islamic values," she tells Sound Vision.

Lack of proper curriculum

While public schools across the United States, for example, have an established curriculum for sex education, in the context of a Family Life Education program, there is nothing similar for Muslim schools.

"Right now we don’t have a curriculum for that and we should have an Islamic perspective," says Siddiqui. "It can take any form, from starting with Tahara all the way to upper grades, but it should be customized and standardized for Muslims just to maintain the Adab (etiquette), to make sure what is being taught is appropriate, to maintain quality of education."

But Idris Ali disagrees with making sex education a topic or a course in itself. He says it should come in "what we call a normal progression." In other words, it should come in the context of things like for example, explaining Ghusl and mentioning when it is necessary (for instance, after sexual Intercourse, and after menstruation)

"There is a wider context where these things will come, so they don’t come by themselves," he says.

Make it age-appropriate

"The biggest fear we have is that our children will be exposed to these things before they are ready," says Siddiqui.

Idris Ali suggests the topic in Islamic schools be introduced starting grade four in the context of hygiene. These classes should be separate for boys and girls if the classes are generally mixed.

"I don’t think a single Muslim parent would have a problem with introducing Tahara (personal hygiene)," says Siddiqui. During this discussion, menstruation for girls can be discussed and the appropriate method of cleaning, in this case Ghusl, when a period is over.

She recommends the following age-topic breakdown:

1. starting discussions on Tahara in Islamic schools in grade six or seven. For girls, at the age of 13, talk about personal hygiene and menstruation.

2. At 15, talk about the marriage relationship and the opposite sex. Here a discussion of the status of women in Islam and gender roles should be discussed in the course of sex education classes or discussion amongst both boys and girls.

3. After this, discuss pregnancy and birth control.

Siddiqui points out that children who attend Islamic schools tend to know less about sex than their public school counterparts, which is why the topics discussed at the ages she has suggested may seem behind what kids in public schools already know.

Pick the right teachers Both Idris Ali and Siddiqui advise having a teacher of the same sex, and Siddiqui adds preferably someone who is married.

Idris Ali says in the Islamic school in Mississauga, a Muslim sister who is a doctor would come in to speak to the girls.

Siddiqui also advises having someone with a counseling background to speak to kids about the topic, since other, more serious issues may come up which a teacher with no such background may not be able to handle. For example, if a child who has been sexually molested confides in a Muslim teacher after a class or discussion on proper gender relations (i.e. no touching between the sexes, and even between the

Same sex), the teacher must know how to handle this.

Siddiqui says a specific position should be created for this job at Islamic schools.

Use the right Adab (Etiquette)

"When you are teaching morality, you have to teach the Adab yourself, so you will not be graphic, even within the same sex class group," says Siddiqui.

As well, she says when discussing pregnancy and childbirth, books that are used should not contain photographs, for instance. Biology diagrams should be enough to teach about the human body.

Use a comparative approach

Idris Ali took the skeleton of the Family Studies course and adjusted it to the needs of Muslim children when he was in Mississauga.

This makes the approach to the topic not solely Western, or solely Islamic, but comparative.

This way, he says, the basic information is there, but the Islamic alternative is also presented. "This is the Quranic approach," he says. "[The] Quran tells you all kinds of good things on one side and the bad on the other."

If parents still object to sex education of any kind within an Islamic school context after these guidelines are followed, Siddiqui suggests giving it time and waiting a year or two.

But Aglan sees it differently

"The parents should be grateful because she’s a Muslim teacher, she’s giving it to us in an Islamic perspective so there's nothing to worry about."