Her cheeks were worn and sunken and her skin hugged her bones. That

didn't stop her though, you could never catch her not reciting Qur'an.

Always vigil in her personal prayer room Dad had set up for her. Bowing,

prostrating, raising her hands in prayer. That was the way she was from dawn to

sunset and back again, boredom was for others.

As for me I craved nothing more than fashion magazines and novels. I treated

myself all the time to videos until those trips to the rental place became my

trademark. As they say, when something becomes habit people tend to

distinguish you by it. I was negligent in my responsibilities and laziness

characterized my Salah.

One night, I turned the video off after a marathon three hours of watching. The

adhan softly rose in that quiet night. I slipped peacefully into my blanket.

Her voice carried from her prayer room. "Yes? Would you like anything

Noorah?"

With a sharp needle she popped my plans. "Don't sleep before you pray

Fajr!"

"Agh ... there's still an hour before Fajr, that was only the first

Adhaan!"

With those loving pinches of hers, she called me closer. She was always like

that, even before the fierce sickness shook her spirit and shut her in bed.

"Hanan can you come sit beside me."

I could never refuse any of her requests, you could touch the purity and

sincerity. "Yes, Noorah?"

"˜Please sit here."

"OK, I'm sitting. What's on your mind?"

With the sweetest mono voice she began reciting:

[Every soul shall taste death and you will merely be repaid your earnings on

Resurrection Day]

She stopped thoughtfully. Then she asked, "Do you believe in death?"

"Of course I do."

"Do you believe that you shall be responsible for whatever you do, regardless

of how small or large?"

"I do, but Allah is Forgiving and Merciful and I've got a long life

waiting for me."

"Stop it Hanan ... aren't you afraid of death and it's abruptness? Look

at Hind. She was younger than you but she died in a car accident. So did so

and so, and so and so. Death is age-blind and your age could never be a

measure of when you shall die."

The darkness of the room filled my skin with fear. "I'm scared of the

dark and now you made me scared of death, how am I supposed to go to sleep

now. Noorah, I thought you promised you'd go with us on vacation during

the summer break."

Impact. Her voice broke and her heart quivered. "I might be going on a long

trip this year Hanan, but somewhere else. Just maybe. All of our lives are in

Allah's hands and we all belong to Him."

My eyes welled and the tears slipped down both cheeks.

I pondered my sisters grizzly sickness, how the doctors had informed my father

privately that there was not much hope that Noorah was going to outlive the

disease. She wasn't told though. Who hinted to her? Or was it that she

could sense the truth.

"What are you thinking about Hanan?" Her voice was sharp. "Do you

think I am just saying this because I am sick? Uh - uh. In fact, I may live

longer than people who are not sick. And you Hanan, how long are you going to

live? Twenty years, maybe? Forty? Then what?" Through the dark she

reached for my hand and squeezed gently. "There's no difference

between us; we're all going to leave this world to live in Paradise or agonize

in Hell. Listen to the words of Allah:

[Anyone who is pushed away from the Fire and shown into Jannah will have

triumphed.]

I left my sister's room dazed, her words ringing in my ears: May Allah guide

you Hanan - don't forget your prayer.

Eight O'clock in the morning. Pounding on my door. I don't usually

wake up at this time. Crying. Confusion. O Allah, what happened?

Noorahs condition became critical after Fajr, they took her immediately to the

hospital ... Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un.

There wasn't going to be any trips this summer. It was written that I would

spend the summer at home.

After an eternity...

It was one O'clock in the afternoon. Mother phoned the hospital. "Yes.

You can come and see her now." Dad's voice had changed, mother

could sense something had gone deathly wrong. We left immediately.

Where was that avenue I used to travel and thought was so short? Why was it

so long now, so very long. Where was the cherished crowd and traffic that

would give me a chance to gaze left and right. Everyone, just move out of our

way. Mother was shaking her head in her hands..crying.. as she made

dua' for her Noorah.

We arrived at the hospitals main entrance.

One man was moaning, another was involved in an accident and a third's

eyes were iced, you couldn't tell if he was alive or dead.

We skipped stairs to Noorahs floor. She was in intensive care.

The nurse approached us. "Let me take you to her." As we walked down

the aisles the nurse went on expressing how sweet a girl Noorah was. She

reassured Mother somewhat that Noorah's condition had gotten better than

what it was in the morning.

"Sorry. No more than one visitor at a time." This was the intensive care

unit. Through the small window in the door and past the flurry of white robes I

caught my sisters eyes. Mother was standing beside her. After two minutes,

mother came out unable to control her crying.

"You may enter and say Salam to her on condition that you do not speak too

long," they told me. "˜Two minutes should be enough."

"How are you Noorah? You were fine last night sister, what happened?"

We held hands, she squeezed harmlessly. "Even now, Alhamdulillah, I'm

doing fine."

"Alhamdulillah ... but ... your hands are so cold."

I sat on her bedside and rested my fingers on her knee. She jerked it away.

"Sorry ... did I hurt you?"

"No, it is just that I remembered Allah's words

[One leg will be wrapped to the other leg (in the death shroud)]

... Hanan pray for me. I may be meeting the first day of the hearafter very

soon. It is a long journey and I haven't prepared enough good deeds in my

suitcase.

A tear escaped my eye and ran down my cheek at her words. I cried and she

joined me. The room blurred away and left us... two sisters - to cry together.

Rivulets of tears splashed down on my sister's palm which I held with both

hands. Dad was now becoming more worried about me. I've never cried

like that before.

At home and upstairs in my room, I watched the sun pass away with a sorrowful

day. Silence mingled in our corridors. A cousin came in my room, another. The

visitors were many and all the voices from downstairs stirred together. Only one

thing was clear at that point ... Noorah had died!

I stopped distinguishing who came and who went. I couldn't remember

what they said. O Allah, where was I? What was going on? I couldn't

even cry anymore.

Later that week they told me what had happened. Dad had taken my hand to say

goodbye to my sister for the last time, I had kissed Noorah's head.

I remember only one thing though, seeing her spread on that bed, the bed that she

was going to die on. I remembered the verse she recited:

[One leg will be wrapped to the other leg (in the death shroud)] and I knew too

well the truth of the next verse: [The drive on that day we be to your Lord

(Allah)!]

I tiptoed into her prayer room that night. Staring at the quiet dressers and

silenced mirrors, I treasured who it was that had shared my mother's

stomach with me. Noorah was my twin sister.

I remembered who I had swapped sorrows with. Who had comforted my rainy

days. I remembered who had prayed for my guidance and who had spent so

many tears for so many long nights telling me about death and accountability.

May Allah save us all.

Tonight is Noorah's first night that she shall spend in her tomb. O Allah,

have mercy on her and illumine her grave. This was her Qur'an, her prayer

mat and ...and this was the spring rose-colored dress that she told me she would

hide until she got married, the dress she wanted to keep just for her ...husband.

I remembered my sister and cried over all the days that I had lost. I prayed to

Allah to have mercy on me, accept me and forgive me. I prayed to

Allah to keep her firm in her grave as she always liked to mention in her

supplications.

At that moment, I stopped. I asked myself: what if it was I who had died?

Where would I be moving on to? Fear pressed me and the tears began all over

again.

Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar...

The first adhan rose softly from the Masjid, how beautiful it sounded this time. I

felt calm and relaxed as I repeated the Muadhdhins call. I wrapped the shawl

around my shoulders and stood to pray Fajr. I prayed as if it was my last

prayer, a farewell prayer, just like Noorah had done yesterday. It had been her

last Fajr.

Now and In sha' Allah for the rest of my life, if I awake in the mornings I do

not count on being alive by evening, and in the evening I do not count on being

alive by morning.

We are all going on Noorah's journey ...“ what have we prepared for it?